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Life is a Bitch
January, 2009

Unshared frustrations, tempers, desires, likings, and disliking one day take a toll on you. Perhaps that is why the Indian Friends Meetup group, which my husband recently joined, decided to host an event to help people vent out their feelings. The event was adeptly named "The Bitch Festival".

At first, I was quite reluctant to participate as I was apprehensive that uncontrolled gust of feelings would end in a salty aftertaste. What good would it do? I knew it could get personal and I vehemently opposed the idea.

Maybe the others felt this too because one of the rules was that no one will get personal or take names. I was still unconvinced. However, I was game to play a mute spectator and see how it went.

As I saw people open up, I decided to bend just a little. I jotted down a few points that I thought would be fun to discuss. These were just small knick knacks that one experiences daily - definitely not the critical issues that I would have normally complained about. There were more grave, more serious matters that were yearning to come out. But some things are best not said and it's better to seal your lips than to make a complete fool of yourself in front of a crowd.

I thought it was a great idea to dish out the small irritants in life with a dash of lemon and honey. That's exactly what I did! I do acknowledge that the result was not bad... not bad at all.

Let me share some points that topped my list of "most hated" actions/situations on the day of the bitch festival.

I hate those people who:

  • Sit open mouthed in front of the idiot box, unaware of what's happening around them
  • Repeat the same stuff/dialog over and over again
  • Share the same joke umpteenth number of times
  • Think they are super intelligent and unmatched
  • Keep butting in when you are speaking over the phone
  • Spend hours in the rest room
  • Think that books are a waste of time and money
  • Do not pick up their cell phone or call back immediately after they see a missed call
  • Are on their cell phone all the time or text messaging in the middle of the night or party
  • Want their kids to grow up to spend time with them rather than enjoying the present
  • Drink and vomit or start giggling or speak nonsensical when drunk
  • Think vegetarians or a lower breed or castaways
  • Complain that you did not invite them to a particular occasion/party but invited someone else
  • Compliment for the sake of it even though they don't like a thing, be it food or dress
  • Repeat the stuff they learnt/heard from you and give it back to you
  • Like whispering even during normal conversation as if it was the largest secret on earth
  • Thought it was their duty to tell me about the problems they faced in their pregnancy when I was expecting
  • Tell me that I'm lucky to be working from home
  • Make girlfriends in the USA but go India to get married
  • Prick their nose in the middle of a conversation
  • Insist on telling me the whole story when I ask them about how the movie was
  • Do not spell check or use a dictionary (I still laugh uncontrollably when I remember a person who used to spell "waiting" as "wetting")
  • Are not deterred by the busy status on my MSN and message "Are you busy?, "How are you?", "Hi", or send a smiley

Now when I think about it, I admit it's a good idea to participate in such events that are harmless and even help divert your mind from the more serious issues that threaten your identity and existence, or the lapses that have turned into roadblocks. These not only help you unblock some of the minor hidden nuisances in life but also expel some of those dark, cloudy fumes leaving you with a sense of gratification. It might be momentary but as long as it's there, some percentage of the planned objective has been achieved.

Do you want to give voice to some unspoken words or conducted viles? Some deep buried anger perhaps? Some pains fluttering to come out or some profanities leashed by the tongue battling to break away? Try to be in peace with your inner bitch and leaving all inhibitions bitch away to conducive criticism... After all, life is a bitch!

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